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 Wayward Monkey.....home he did not go.

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Narumi

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Posts : 397
Yen : 9120
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Join date : 2015-08-02
Age : 38

Character sheet
Name: Kichona 'Kicha' Kasai
Age: 20
Occupation: Bounty Hunter/Being scouted by Route Troupe

PostSubject: Wayward Monkey.....home he did not go.    Thu Aug 20, 2015 4:52 pm

He was supposed to go 'home' supposed to come back to the base but honestly he was so embarrassed with himself lately. Not sure at all what had gotten into him that he had instead gone traveling further away from the base all together. Which was not good....not in a long shot. He had promised Chronos that he would come right back home....that was a week and a half ago.... He wasn't even in Gravity city he was sitting in Hiroshima on a dock with a knee drawn up having traveled there and was looking out at the water. He only planned on being a day or two longer out....but....that day or two longer had turned without his meaning to a week and a half.....Gokei had said and it and more over Chronos himself had said it he would eventually track him down if he disappeared. Well he had disappeared but not for the reasons anyone might think.

Knee drawn up to his chest arms wrapped around it and chin resting on his knee he stared out at the water. His other leg stretched out and dangling over the edge of the dock. He was here and was hiding from Chronos.....No. If he wanted to be honest with himself he was hiding from himself. From the way he melted when Chrono even but pulled him close and touched him, the way....the way he sounded as Chronos manhandled him.....he closed his eyes. He had never in his life been that way and as he sat there the one voice he longed to hear was back miles away in Gravity City as far as he knew and yet if he heard that voice he'd melt all over again.

He wasn't angry with Chronos for it. And the longing that thrummed through his frame was like a tightly bound wire humming to it's own cord. If he closed his eyes he could hear himself 'mewling' and making all these 'cute' sounds for Chronos and that just seemed to drive the man onward and yet he didn't regret any of it....so why was he out here? Because he was so embarrassed by the way he became trying to figure it out trying to reason it out he had left early morning while Chronos slept a week and half ago and now? Now he just trying to sort out the chaotic desire and conflictions in his heart. It wasn't a bad chaos....it was....he closed his eyes. He tipped his head down....A pile of mush....for Chronos he became this pile of mush....

He had spent the week and a half without moving from that spot on the rocky cliff deep in thought meditating on the issue at hand. Everything he had ever been taught told him that people form unhealthy addictions to objects things not to other people. And yet the more he reflected on it the more lost he became on it. Chronos his voice his touch his warmth just everything about the man had him entranced desiring more and more. He sat there so lost in thought so far gone he had not realized the amount of time that had passed. Had not realized it because he was trying to understand this. If Chronos but turned that smile in his direction he all but melted. If he touched him he turned into putty in his hands Chronos could do whatever he wished and it would not matter to Kichona at that moment so long as he was still touching him. He had not meant to be gone like this had not told anyone back at home base that he was leaving. And right now had no idea just how upset Chronos was with his sudden disappearance. Chronos had sent out the entire Troupe to find him.

Mugo would just walk up and put a hand on Kicha's head and crouch down beside him, saying "Found you~"

Kicha blinked owlishly and looked up at him as his felt the hand on his head pulling him out of his deep thoughts and looked at Mugo. "Found me? Was I missing?" he asked unaware of just how deep into his reflective trance he had gone....or how many days he had lost with it.

Mugo nodded. "A Week and a half to be exact."

Kicha went a bit wide eyed and looked at him. "Ah I hadn't meant to be gone that long..." He said and went to move only to sit back down as his body was stiff and needing time to loosen back up and his voice he noticed now was raspy from lack of moisture....

"Chrono is very upset you know..." he told him as he lowered his arm and sat down fully beside Kicha, crossing his legs to look out at the water. "He's sent everyone out looking for you...and paced the floor for three days straight worrying..."

Kicha looked at him going a bit wide eyed. "I didn't mean to make him worry....I only came out here to think..." He said looking at him and then back out over the water pulling the unopened water bottle he bought and forgot about until now out and opening to take a drink. Once he had wet his throat he sighed softly. "To figure out a few things..only no matter how deep I reflected I could find no answers."

"Sounds like you're thinking too hard then~" he said as he sat there and looked over at Kicha, smiling. "I was the same way when I first discovered my attachment to Kil~"

Kicha looked at him and blinked. "The same when you discovered your attachment to Kil?" he asked then looked out. "I....its so confusing I can keep control at all times except around him....around him just the sound of his voice and its like I go to mush...." he closed his eyes and sighed telling Mugo what it was that was driving him so very crazy....what he had been thinking about.

He smiled, nodding. "When I first realized how much I wanted to be around him, I thought I should get rid of him, but when I tried to kill him, I found that I always pulled my punches..." he explained and looked back out over the water. "I tried multiple times but everything always ended up the same...I always ended up asking him if he loved me...and he would always say that he did~"

Kicha sighed softly as he sat there drawing his other leg up and looked out. "So it's normal then? To be addicted to someone....to the sound of there voice....their touch their warmth?" he asked as he sat there. "To loose all sense of self when they merely speak?"

Mugo tilted his head to the left in thought before he looked back over at Kicha. "I'm not a monk anymore, but in my teachings we were always taught that all humans, no matter the walk of life, were born to live life having been born with defilement. One of the main defilement's we're born with as humans is craving...." he explained as he sat there. "No one can escape it. Everyone craves something. Be it pleasurable experiences through sex, craving to be near a person, craving to eat a certain type of food, craving to be noticed, craving money or power, or simply craving to exist...."

He sighed and looked out at the water again. "Some people even crave self-annihilation. No one is safe from it..."

Kicha blinked a bit surprised at first at the sudden 'change' in Mugo as he seemed to start speaking as if enlightened about something. One of...that all human beings craved something. That he what he was feeling was a natural course of being for him. "So....your saying that craving, desiring him the way I do....is natural?" he said closing his eyes bowing his head. "He could do whatever he wanted to me and I wouldn't care....as long as his attention is on me....it makes me sound so self to want something....to need something....I am not supposed to want for anything for myself. To need anything for myself.....my life my devotion is supposed to be solely for one purpose and yet....." He lowered his hand and sighed. "And yet I can't get enough...and then....when it's all happening it's so....embarrassing....Its like...the sounds..." he said lowly.

Mugo kept his gaze fixed on the water as he listened, and then responded lowly, "From the moment of conception, all entities, including all living beings, are subject to a process of continuous change. The one thing that doesn't ever change is their five aggregates: Physical forms, Feelings or sensations, Perception, Mental formations, and Consciousness. Because humans have these five never changing aspects, the craving for impermanent things will always and forever continue to drive him towards attaining what he himself labels collectively as "liking." We will always label everything in the world, as either "good", "comfortable" or "satisfying"; or "bad", "uncomfortable", and "unsatisfying." It's a reality that everyone has to face."

He then looked back at Kicha. "When I was young and being taught these things, I tried to go against my own nature, but never could. As a human, I'm not created to be able to walk away from all of the things that I crave. I was always alone, always harassed by the other monks in the temple because I craved attention. When I turned 11, I started to crave physical contact and sexual pleasure. I was alienated even more when they caught me. But no matter what I did, it felt natural to want these things...the same year, my home town was hit by an earthquake and tsunami. Almost everyone died and the town was destroyed. The temple, the monks in the temple...almost everyone died. I was saved from an even worse path than I'm on right now...thanks to them, I can't even say my own name without getting angry or sick to my stomach. I would have been much more dangerous if I'd have stayed at the temple and learned more...Kil's dad, Zuku saved me and gave me a place to stay. He trained me in the things that I was lacking to be able to work for him. I wasn't allowed any contact with the rest of the Satsujin family until I was 16. By then? I had no ideas about what attachments or family was. I still don't understand family or relationships...the only thing I know is what I've been taught and what I've learned on my own. I will always crave Kil in any possible way he'll have me. If it means he wants me without my arms, I'll take my arms so he'll want me...as long as I have that contact- that attention, my cravings will be satisfied..."

Kichona listened to him speak turning his head as Mugo spoke and suddenly sounded so much older then he was and wise beyond his years. When he spoke and explained about the aspects of humans that will never change Kichona went from curling up in a little ball, and simply relaxed listening to the sound of his voice his words. It was funny but Mu was a dear friend for all of his hardships with attachments Kichona could not help but view him that way, and times like these when he was so lost it was funny because it was usually Mugo who everyone was so wary of who spoke to him about the path that he was so very lost on.
Kichona listened to him as he said he didn't really know family attachment but that he did crave Killian and that if what Killian desired was a man without his arms, then Mugo would take his arms so that Killian would continue to crave him and at that He blushed. Kichona blushed because....that was a part of what he felt no matter what Chronos wanted.
"It's how I feel...." he said looking back out over the water. "However he wants, whatever he wishes so long as he continues to want me I'll do everything in my power to give it to him.....but....it goes against the very principles of what I was trained to be since I was four." He said lowly. "Since that age it is drilled into us that we are chosen and we belong to the temple and to force greater then us, then life. Because of this we are the ones. Who are not allowed to have any attachements. When I say it is the five children who were chosen to be guardian's of the temple. Our families were no longer our familes to them we were never born they never had the child. We must not grow a bond with people with anything that can corrupt or deviate us from our intended goal." He closed his eyes. "and yet from the moment I met him everything changed.....That goal I was so driven to hate for lessoned and dissolved. And I found myself breaking the Seven Sacred taboos.....Craving Touch, Craving him....being Selfish....in wanting something for myself in wanting him."
KIchona sighed softly. "I.....want to be near him to hear his voice always....I want to be feel his warmth to feel him.....and for that I am selfish."

"My life is to belong to the people, not to myself.....and yet....I want it to belong to me, so that I can stay with him.'

Mugo sighed and closed his eyes. "That's not selfish. I don't believe in belonging only to a higher power...I believe that people belong to themselves. You are who you are. Being selfish is those people who raised you like that to begin with. It's ridiculous to think that you belong solely to others. You're not a thing, you're a living being. You bleed the same as I do, and if you're upset, you cry or get angry...just like everyone else...."

Kichona turned his head as Mugo told him it wasn't being selfish he looked at Mugo. Quietly a few minutes before closing his eyes and then opening to look out over the water. "Mu....you were the first person to ever touch me." He said lowly. "Even as I pushed you away some part of me....realized that .....physical contact wasn't terrible and then when he held me....I found myself wanting more....and more of it." He looked down at his hand staring at his palm. "Until you....I had never been held once in my life pulled around by my arm whipped and beaten when I moved off of the 'path' but never held....and cry? A Guardian does not shed tears....I haven't cried....since I was a small child."

Mugo opened his eyes to look down at him. The first time in a long time that he'd ever shown that he was displeased with anything. "A Guardian might not cry..." he said lowly, spitting those words with such venom that it almost made them sound toxic. "But a human does."

Kichona looked at him as he spat the words with so much venom about being a guardian. He looked up at Mugo. Regarded him so quietly for a few moments. "Even as a human....I no longer remember how....." He said lowly closing his eyes then lowered his head and looked out. "There are so many things....I...." He took a deep breath. "So many things I have gained since coming here that I do not wish to loose and it was that, that I was thinking about, Chronos....the friends I've made....how much my life has changed since joining Troupe....." Kicha bowed his head and then lifted and looked at Mugo. "Since the day you held still and let me snag you."

Mugo narrowed his eyes at Kicha. Only the second time he'd ever shown him that face. "It's not about remembering how to do anything. It's about letting it happen. If you won't let things happen on their own, eventually you forget that you were holding them back..."

Kicha looked up at Mugo at that scolding look of one was his senior in many things and then looked out at the water again quiet. That stern tone.....he closed his eyes then stepped down standing up as he did and as he did pulled from inside his robes the symbol of the temple something he had been carrying, the breeze picked up and he held it before......he threw it letting the temple key fly soaring out over the ocean and into the water. There was nothing left there to return to. To return there was to go seek out his own death after finding everything and sealing it all up. "Just let it happen." he repeated and bowed his head. "It's something new I've never done before.....but since coming here that's all I've been doing....but...." He looked up at Mugo who was standing there taller then him. . "That doesn't sound bad at all."

Mugo looked away and put his hands in his pockets. "Holding onto the past will only make you become the person you were then...I'm not who I was the day before, and I won't be the same the day after, neither will you," he told Kicha as he stood there.

Kichona stood there looking out over the water then looked back and up at the taller man as oddly dressed as he was but that was part of Mugo's charm. He looked at him as he said that he wasn't the same as he had been then and he would not be the same person tomorrow that he was today. And as he listened to those words and thought about it he realized that....tomorrow he would know more then he did the day before. Tomorrow he may have met someone that he did not know already and that.....Kicha nodded. "Thank you Mu.....I need to return and talk to him...let him know I wasn't leaving....just got lost in thought." He said softly as this time he turned slightly and looked back towards civilization. "That the answers I was looking for....were ones so clearly before me could not see them."


Kicha walked through Gravity City with Mugo with a slightly heavy heart he was worried about the reception he'd get once he walked into the base although Mugo seemed unworried. He walked into the doors and up the stairs to the meeting room his gaze taking in the sights around him much dimmer he knew then others with the black contacts in that shaded everything he saw. But....he looked and saw the back of Chronos and felt a bit anxious as he half feared that he would be scolded and punished as the High Priests would for his sudden disappearance without a word for such a long time. "Chronos." he said to the back of the man seeing his long purple hair.

The moment he heard Kicha's voice, he spun around to look at him with wide, worry filled eyes. "Kicha...." he breathed as he seemed to want to go to his knees in that moment. However, as soon as it came, the look vanished and he was moving, closing the distance and wrapping his arms around Kicha, pulling the smaller man into him. "Do you know how worried I was about you? You should have called!" he scolded. But for as much of a scolding as he had given, he couldn't make his voice sound like anything other than relieved.

Kicha had tensed ready to be struck to be anything other then what he got the scolding he could handle and then to be so soundly wrapped up in his arms....Kicha hugged him in return. "I'm sorry I had not meant to be gone so long...." He answered. "I had simply found a quiet place to meditate and thought I'd be back before nightfall...but....the answers I was had been searching for were not to be found that way...."

He said softly lowly as he clung to the shirt front of the man who held him almost in a bear hug....to feel such raw emotion in such an embrace. His eyes stung....Kicha wasn't sure why but his eyes were burning....with something he hadn't really ever felt before.

He felt like he wanted to cry as he held onto Kicha like that, hugging him so close. "I'm so glad you're ok..." he breathed as he closed his eyes and lowered his head to rest his cheek on the top of Kicha's head. "I wouldn't be able to stand it if you had been hurt..."

At his words....he felt the heat break in his eyes....something raw....emotions he realized that he was not used to being allowed to feel let alone feeling broke loose as they fell. To hear his words wanted....he knew he had the tattoo he knew they said it but the way Chronos was holding him his words. HIs shoulders shook a bit. "I'm alright...I..." he whispered as he held onto him. "I was struggling against everything I knew...Everything I was taught since I was young....I couldn't find the answers....the answer to it...."

Kicha looked up then as the tears fell. Tears....he was crying and he had not cried not since he was four and beaten for it...told it was a weakness he was not allowed to have. "But Mu and I talked....and he answered that question for me....the one I couldn't find the answers to" He said searching Chronos's face and the said. "That's its alright to let go of my training and it's alright to...." He paused as he realized and smiled a bit as Mugo had told him that he had always asked Kil and Kil had answered and Mu felt the same way he did...."That it was alright to be human and love you."

"Be in love with you and let go of being Guardian of a people...that are long gone." Kicha said as he looked at him to want to be with Chronos.
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